• Tanya K Therapy

How Will Couples Therapy Help Your Relationship?

Like many other aspects of our lives, relationships require attention and nurturing. When we have a physical problem, we seek the help of a doctor. When we have difficulties in learning a new set of skills, we hire a tutor or undertake professional training. When we need help with organising our finances, we go to an accountant. Any areas beyond our own abilities require us to find a specialist who can help us to achieve better results.


Relationships are no different. They are a part of our lives that is as significant as our health and wealth. In fact, healthy and happy relationships with our loved ones not only enrich our lives more than money but are one of the contributing factors to living a longer and more fulfilling life.


When it comes to our relationship, most of us think that the problem lies with our partner. We believe if the partner’s behaviour changed or if we found a new companion in our pursuit of happiness, our lives would automatically improve. In some cases, this is true and people do have a more satisfying relationship when they finally find their soul mate. But, unfortunately, statistics show that most people who have divorced and re-married have encountered the same problems the second, and sometimes even the third time. There are many reasons why relationships fail. And even more tips and advice available on how to make them last.


However, when it comes to our personal life situations, this general advice will often be ignored as each partner digs in their heels, defending their own position.


That is exactly why we need someone who can see and understand both partners and both sides of the story. Someone who can hear individual voices as well as the chorus.


Couples therapists are attuned to listen more to the emotions of their clients and less to their words. Dr. Sue Johnson, the renowned author of many books on romantic love and intimacy, says that “Emotion is the music in the dance of adult intimacy. When we change the music, we change the dance”.


The therapist’s job is to help a couple to tune their emotions, to define their deeper desires and build the courage to reveal their differences. The more people can stay true to themselves in their relationship while being emotionally attuned to their partners, the better their relationship will become.


In working with the couple, the therapist becomes a fine tuner whose sole focus is to restore their ability to communicate with each other on a more open-hearted and attuned level. Finally, at the end of their collaborative process, if the couple perseveres and partakes fully in the process, they will be well-equipped with an upgraded set of their own tuning skills and will be able to create their emotional dialog effortlessly from then onward.